Did they mean that?
We here at Age Concern Liverpool & Sefton love the Radio 4 News Quiz. Our favourite part is listening to the often risqué cuttings sent in by listeners. Here are some of the best from the last year.
Notice to passengers in Liverpool. “Mersey ferries are cancelled today because of bad weather; a replacement bus service is in operation”.
Heard on Radio 5 Live, “Aaron Ramsey will miss Wales’ game with the Republic of Ireland tomorrow night as his wife is giving birth to twins. Full commentary of the event is on Five Live tomorrow”
From a newspaper small advert, “For sale, vintage board game, escape from Colditz Castle, used condition, 3 escapees missing”
Hotel room notice, “In the event of a fire if you are unable to leave your room, please call reception, seal the gaps around the door and expose yourself in the window”
Letter to local paper, “I would like to thank the lovely couple who were driving through Newmarket and spotted our pet rabbit Sparkles who had escaped. Our daughter was distraught, but I am happy to say that she is now back in her hutch”
Local paper advert, “I would thoroughly recommend these wipes. I use them daily to clean the bathroom, surfaces and knobs of elderly relatives living with me”
Notice in the loo of the Women’s Institute, Huntingdon, “Please switch off the lights in the toilet after your event”
From the pages of the Bristol Post, “A new dining experience is coming to Bristol which requires you to be completely naked. The organiser told the Bristol Post that he hoped the nudist restaurant would be a semi-regular pop-up event”
From an online review of a taxidermy course, “I always wanted to do taxidermy, but I have never encountered a teacher as patient and talented as Suzette. Mounting a guinea pig was one of the most fulfilling experiences I have ever had”
From the Hampshire Chronicle, “On Wednesday, Michael Portillo will be giving a talk about his life at St. Swithins’ Girls School”
A tweet from Coventry park Rangers, “Today we are in Fenside, replacing some bridges with volunteers”
The London Wildlife Trust’s urban urchins’ instruction sheet on how to care for hedgehogs in your garden, “Put roughly 2 tablespoons of meaty pet food down and save the rest of the tin for another night or give it to a neighbour to try“
Home decorating in the Independent, “Graphic Designer, Ben, went for bright colours in the bathroom and painted his stool to match”
Dog’s Trust advert, “Can anyone temporarily home this dog as his elderly owner has gone into hospital and will be put down tomorrow”
BBC World Service, “Half a million Armenians live in France, including the singer Charles Aznavour who died 2 years ago”
The East Dulwich Forum, “I’m a new Mum in need of a haircut, and colour. Does anyone know a good mobile hairdresser that, if needed, could breast feed baby during the colour process?”
We need to talk about death on Radio 4, “For most people a funeral is a unique, once in a lifetime experience”
From an electrical box safety notice, “Opening this box will result in death by electrocution and a 50 euro fine”
From a Freecycle advert, “Electric drill with carry case and a front grip. It has been in storage but I tested it this morning on my neighbour and it works fine”
From a restaurant Valentine’s Day promotional advert, “Make this Valentine’s Day mean more for the love of your life with our special Valentine menu. 10% discount for 3 or more diners”